“let the larks become your chorus, and when every hope is gone… let the raven call you home.” - ‘the lost words - spell songs’

We lost my husband’s father two weeks ago unexpectedly. We were closing up shop, and Nick stepped out to take a call… and when he returned his eyes were wide with a look I did not know, and then he said, “my father was just found on the floor with no pulse.”

I cannot find the words…. disbelief, bewilderment, hurt, anger, snatched, stolen, shock… to describe the feeling that reverberated through my entire body at Nick’s words.

A sudden reality of… loss. Smacked with the deep truth that nothing in life is guaranteed. Yet, loss is certain.

We stood in silence, then slowly slumped to the floor of the shop, staring into space as we slowly got streams of frantic calls from loved ones. How did this happen? What happened? Why did this happen?

We were supposed to have more time, more chapters written… more discussions of the heart… more memories woven into the fabric of relationship..

This has been a new experience in our partnership: profound grief and loss. How do you hold space for your beloved who’s lost a person who made them? A person whom was a parent and a friend?

It has taken us a lot of being present with what is. We were blessed to be able to take time after the news to be in nature, with each other - loved ones, and breathe in the truth of this major life transition.

Nick sifting through Rodney’s favorite tunes - his music room

Over the coming days and week, we broke bread, spoke of memories of Rodney, and drank in each other’s tears. We biked the dunes of Frisco and cooked over open fire. I welcomed the waves of grief, surrendering to the ocean of sorrow awakened in my heart and body.

I’m standing here, feeling, realizing more than ever… that in these major life transitions intentional ritual is imperative. It grounds us into the truth, hurt, beauty, and intangible feelings of what being human means: love. loss. life. death.

It roots us into what embracing the human experience of life through sacred connection.

Last week, we gathered with family… we made a meal to honor Rodney. We played instruments that were his, sang lyrics crafted from his mind and heart… We created a Rodney altar and lit a candle to honor the precious life of my beloved’s father.

I ran in the forest today, something I’m not easily afforded living on a sandbar… and the pounding of my feet thrummed my being… releasing and receiving. I paused, gasping for breath and stared up to the forest canopy… drinking in the shades of green that the sun and layers of leaves created…

I’m new to deep loss… and even in writing this… I’m realizing that ritual can find us when we open ourselves up to it.

Being in nature, honoring someone’s life through song, holding and using their loved treasures, sharing memories, crafting written word… creating a safe and sacred space to gather with others so your hearts and emotions can spill out… share memories…. and craft new memory through the connection of loss… is vital.

“Grief is a complex set of emotions, some of which are volatile. It’s important for these feelings to unfold in an atmosphere of safety and trust. Choosing to do a grief ritual asks us to give compassionate attention to our wounded parts.” - embodied philosophy

I know each of us will be graced with the weight of grief and loss. It is part of being human. My hope, is that when this happens - you remember you’re not alone. That gathering and ritual can not fix the wound, but act as a balm of support to your grieving heart. And that to grieve, is to know that you loved… deeply. That you were brave enough to open yourself up to the gifts of life; the dark and the light. That you allowed yourself to truly live.

Rituals to process loss & grieve a loved one:

write a letter to lost one
bury or burn items in remembrance
gather together to honor life
craft either a permanent or temporary altar
create art - or a functional item to use in remembrance of them
make a meal or feast in honor of them
light a candle | prayer
Weave a ritual of communion into your everyday - either praying to, talking to, writing to them… to find connection, solace, closure
Wake, memorial, story sharing circle - personalize this. Mourn and celebrate. Honor the loved one’s life with food, activities, settings the loved and cherished